Band Bios- Marketing Your Music

The band bio is a mission statement and business card rolled into one for the aspiring musician. First, it's a way to differentiate yourself from the myriad of other music makers out there, Second, it's a way to grab the attention of publicists, listeners, and writers. Third, It's a fail-safe for music writers seeking descriptions and quotes when writing about your music. Unfortunately most young musicians do not have much business experience and don't understand how to properly market their art. The act of self-promotion is considered an act of "selling out" for many artists, but this is naivity. It's true that artists make art foremost for their own enjoyment and to express frustrations and stresses in their everyday life. But it's also counter-productive to think that artists don't also enjoy being recognized for their hard work and artistic endeavors. If an artist doesn't feel this way then they're being self-destructive. Anyway, the band bio tends to fall into the following categories: elaborately descriptive, effusive, earnest, stupid, and funny. The following is a stupidly funny band bio:
"The Deadwood Singers like to hang up sounds in strung-out spaces. They play freaked-out heavy music that is faintly reminiscent of your favorite band, times two. Hailing from Deadwood, South Dakota, the Singers take a special pride in their regional heritage, while feeling no particular desire to return there. Driven by their sneaking suspicion that God had indeed given rock and roll to them, all three Singers have patiently toiled for years in the musical salt mine. Luther Wright, the lead guitarist, played with the avant-garde corps Schwenna, and passed time in Disco Bondage Headgear, before joining forces with the Deadwoods. Faron McLaren, who handles the bass and drums, used to sing and play with The Now and The Plastic Hassle until it all became too much for him. Cash Billings, the lead singer and rhythm guitarist, used to play with My Asscrack until creative differences erupted. My Asscrack had become far too confining for Cash, so he chose to explore new directions and different moods. The three Deadwoods first came together in Rapid City, where each was pursuing their own distinctive course toward anonymity. Since then they have recorded "South Dakota Sermon," wherein they explored their musical roots; "Around the World with the Deadwood Singers," which found them trying their hand at the musical styles from all four corners of the world; and "Devil Horn Bag o' Tricks," their collection of two minute songs. After failing to complete their magnum opus "Avenue of the Cosmos" the Deadwoods left Tucson, Arizona, for the browner pastures of the Rust Belt. Currently the band is seeking a halal falafal stand in New York City. The Deadwood Singers have drawn their musical inspiration from many sources: Ween, Queen, Cream, and Judas Priest. But no list could do justice to the rich complexity of their sound, which is always hauntingly familiar even when the hooks are not lifted blatently from songs you already know. They manage to sound original without insisting upon it, and annoying listeners with desperate attempts at uniqueness. All three take care to uphold the utmost standards of professionalism and courtesy, in keeping with the storied rock and roll tradition. Eventually they hope for international success if their careers are not tragically abbreviated by a plane crash or by habitual drug abuse." 
In conclusion, although you can't ultimately control who will like your music you can market your band in a way that conveys your attitude and motivations for making music. Don't try to hard to be an art school dick when writing your bio because it's juvenile.